When we think of friends, and call their faces out of the shadows, and their voices out of the echoes that faint along the corridors of memory, and do it without knowing why save that we love to do it, we content ourselves that that friendship is a Reality, and not a Fancy –that it is builded upon a rock, and not upon the sands that dissolve away with the ebbing tides and carry their monuments with them.
On Tuesday I said goodbye to an old friend. For eleven years we rarely spent a day apart. She was an awesome weekend warrior and an irreplaceable sidekick. She was my warm fuzzy at the end of the day and my home sweet home when it was just the two of us girls up against the world. She welcomed and shared all of our seasons in life with a brave smile that made her beautiful amber eyes glow like bubbling hot caramel. Regardless of how stressed she was she was never too busy to stop and just sit beside me.
Tuesday was quiet and simply spent with family. She was in her eighties and while her soul was young her body had recently become riddled with arthritis and cancer. She was happy but there were shadows in her eyes that seemed to silently say “I love you but I’m tired”. On Tuesday she silently said “Let me go home please. I promise it’s ok to let me go”. It was time for her even though I wasn’t ready. It was the right thing to do but I didn’t know how I was going to get up every morning knowing she wasn’t there. Tuesday Beta was once again my strength as I told her goodbye. Even though it was she who was the brave one going on to the unknown; it was me who was scared and unwilling to accept the finality of her leaving but accept it or not my girl left me yesterday.
My heart will forever be grateful for the unwavering love my Beta girl showered me and everyone else in her life with. As to how I will get up every morning knowing she isn’t in my life anymore… well I’m going to take a lesson out of Beta’s book and smile because life is sweet and full of many bittersweet moments. The best choice we can make is to enjoy the bumpy ride and appreciate love given and returned.
Top twenty things that I’ll miss about our girl:
- You had more hair on your body than I thought could possibly exist on one dog’s body. I could knit three sweaters from your coat. I could knit one sweater from fur balls floating around the house.
- How you would hang your paw on my arm when you wanted attention
- The frantic whining ball of slobbery fur you turned into when I pulled you leash out of the drawer
- You would hover in the kitchen when I cooked.
- You would lay right outside of the kitchen parameters when I told you to get out of my kitchen.
- How you hated your picture taken and the many ways you managed to avoid the camera
- How you sized up Dave for at least a month when he moved in with us.
- Your patience with the much younger dog [Chance] we brought home four years ago. He misses you so much.
- You always loved the song California by Joni Mitchel. It calmed you.
- Your ability to chew through just about anything (an entire tree stump, a rattan sofa, wall outlet covers, rugs…doors)
- Your snore could be heard from the opposite end of the house. It was amazing. I once yelled at Dave to be quiet only to find you sleeping on the other side of the bed.
- Whenever everything was crazy I could always look over and find you waiting to make eye contact for a few calming minutes.
- I miss your beautiful brown eyes.
- Having to trip over you in the mornings when I first get up
- Tripping over you when I’m cooking at the stove
- Tripping over you when I come in the front door
- Tripping over you when I get up off the couch
- Giving you baths. You hated them. You tried to climb up me every time.
- Your kisses. You didn’t lick everyone and thing in site. You only gave them to comfort or show affection
- Your smell. It was God awful when it rained and you were always hot in South Carolina weather…but I would give anything to burry my face in your fur.
- You wagged your tail even when we fussed at you. It was impossible to stay upset.
- How you would find a secret place to poop in the house so you wouldn’t get in trouble
- How you would growl angerly as you rolled on your back to scratch it
- How you forgave the twenty year old me though I know I failed you more than once.
Ok top twenty four things I guess!
Love you Beta. We will never forget you.